| all the colors of the reef (or why it's disasterous to be an optomistist.) |
[May. 25th, 2008|04:27 pm] |
| [ | bottled emotion |
| |  listless | ] |
So now you look at me, eyes wooden, an anchor through your head; crimson for disguise. An opal for a wound you carry—fairy lights of pleading, 'someone look at me.'
"Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other.
But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the unloved ones; the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space!...Oh god, just the sight of him. Heart pounding, throat thickening, absolutely can't swallow! All the usual symptoms. I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible, and how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends...you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy." - Iris The Holiday
That night I walked into her house as I've done every Tuesday and Wednesday night for the last two months, and possibly even before that. She greeted me at the door, purple crocs poking out from beneath her muddied jumper and three year old smile creeping across her cheeks. Her mother waved us off and after a fruitless attempt to get her to eat something other than Veggie Tale fruit snacks, she begged me to play ball with her. We sent the ball sailing back and forth below the high ceiling before the inevitable happened. Frustrated with her limited arm swing, she kicked the ball high into the air and it landed in the upstairs bedroom. Laughing and patting her curls, I side-stepped her to retrieve it. I reached the top of the stairs, the entrance to the bedroom never used, and saw the large green ball immediately. But it wasn't on the floor.
It was in someone's out-stretched hand.
I froze on the top step, looking slowly up into his face. I gingerly took the ball from his fingertips while he gave a small laugh, and then he smiled.
And I was in love with him before I'd reached the bottom stair. |
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| picture this |
[Mar. 21st, 2008|01:52 pm] |
| [ | bottled emotion |
| |  inspired | ] |
This Thursday I had dinner with two of the most beautiful people in my life, and after a few homemade raspberry and lime margaritas, they both confessed their undying devotion to the idea that they are in actuallity mermaids, they just don't know it yet.
And my very first thought was, yes! why not? (I mean besides the whole reality and scientific reason thing). I'm completely stunned and, without so much as a further quesiton, I'm thinking about how even as a child I never believed for a second I could be anything as wonderful and fantastic as a mermaid. And I'm sitting there hunch-backed in my chair lapping up beer salt like a freaking animal in the most delicate way possible in complete admiration at that kind of thinking; that you yourself could be something so exotically beautiful, even magical. These girls are living their life truly believing in something we all knew was impossible by age seven. Fairy Tales are their Bible. I only wish I could have that blind confidence, and see myself as unnaturally wonderful as they do.
more later |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 1st, 2008|10:01 am] |
| [ | bottled emotion |
| |  aggravated | ] |
Twiggy was replaced on America's Next Top Model, and although the new judge is sweet as can be, I am outraged.
p.s. year an a half now =] |
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| Enchanted |
[Nov. 24th, 2007|03:41 pm] |
| [ | bottled emotion |
| |  sick | ] |
I saw Enchanted and Fred Clause this weekend, both were good, but Echanted really blew me away.
Now I've been sick in bed for two days. I'm so glad I have a kind and considerate boyfriend who comes to visit me and brought me soup =] |
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| nothing to lose. |
[Oct. 29th, 2007|06:32 pm] |
| [ | bottled emotion |
| |  depressed | ] |
…and it sucks, because somewhere deep down inside of me, I can’t look at those flashing images of memory and not want to break down that very second crying. I think maybe it’s because somewhere deep down inside of me, I know that that should be me. That all of it is my past, and should not, therefore, be their present. And part of me wants to rage and rant and rape their emotions without consequence. But I can’t do that, I’ve never been able to do that. But I’m seeing all of these heartbreaking images grow wavy and begin to melt as tears well up in my eyes because I know that there is not one memory I would rather have of them than what they have right now. It kills me in a thousand different ways to watch them take from me what they already have themselves; FRIENDS. But I have no one, and I don’t care who knows it. Because I’m sick and tired of being lonely and shunned when I know very well that the only thing I’m faulted for is being myself. Oppression? Hardly. This is worse, because I want it, I want to be there again. If I only I had stopped to think, had taken the time to reconsider my actions…but how is a girl to know that the moment she tries to please everybody, everybody else will let her fall through the cracks? So I’m sitting here, looking at these flashing images of memory wanting to break down this very second and start crying, because apparently losing three best friends isn’t enough. Oh, not nearly enough. I mean, what kind of job would she have done if she didn’t turn the whole goddamn world on me too? So I suppose I should applaud and admire her for having that kind of power; to control people at the lift of a finger. Because apparently making one mistake constitutes the end to an entire year of being best friends, and losing all those you’ve held dear in your heart for the past three, oh, and being unable to walk into any hallways without hearing rumors about you counseled in secret by nameless faces. I mean, what was I thinking when I assumed they could just. leave. me. alone? Or even just leave me to continue my life, to pick up form where I left off the autumn before? I should have known that would never be enough for them, for her.
But then again, nothing will ever be enough for her. |
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| the office |
[Oct. 13th, 2007|11:57 am] |
| [ | bottled emotion |
| |  amused | ] |
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| new |
[Jul. 31st, 2007|10:39 pm] |
| [ | bottled emotion |
| | creative | ] |
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) tea_and_talk
Yes, I've created a new journal (as it seems everyone has done this summer) for reasons I dare not specify online for those same reasons....if you're really honestly deeply burning to know why, just ask. But I doubt any of you are. But aside from that, I also piggy backed on Michelle's idea of having a journal consisting of entries made just during my senior year of high school. Ooh, Michelle, you're probsbly smiling to yourself right now as you read this....you're so brilliant, aren't you? :]
I'll still write here..as well as there..and we'll see how that goes for a while.
p.s. my new journal will be friends only, so please, comment to be added so I won't add people who don't want to be, and so I won't forget anyone. |
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| british idol |
[Jul. 30th, 2007|08:45 pm] |
| [ | bottled emotion |
| |  anxious | ] |
So basically I've decided, after viewing several interviews on television as well as reading many many articles in miscellaneous magazines over the week, that my favorite person out in the public eye right now is Emma Watson.
I finished the 7th Harry Potter book in under 24 hours of it's release. It was wonderful, but so overwhelmingly final, it was like my childhood died as the story did. I won't give any more details for those who have yet to finish.
I guess that's all for now.....
oh, and I miss Bibi :'( |
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tired